Damn Sure

Mercy and Ignorance

“…even though I was formerly a blasphemer, a persecutor, and a man of violence, I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief.” (I Timothy 1:13)

Saul was damned sure of everything.

From where he sat, he saw everything as God saw it.

He was so sure of it all he, supported by a spiritual community who also saw it like he did, killed people who saw it differently. He knew he saw it rightly because his horse was pretty damn high. As high as the Third Heaven.

Then one day, on his way to set the world straight one damned person at a time, the One of Whom he was so damn sure of knocked him off his high horse and took away his vision of the world.

When his eyes opened he saw himself:

A teacher of truth, yet a blasphemer of God.

A protector of The Faith, yet a persecutor of Christ.

A defender of God, yet a murderer of those in His image.

And yet.

And yet, the very God of exactness, knowledge and judgment looked upon Saul and counted not his sins of knowledge, exactness and judgment against him.

With a flick of His divine finger He knocked Saul from his high horse.

With His divine hand He lifted Paul to the Third Heaven, not the one of Saul’s theological syllogisms and constructions, and showed him true belief for which there are no words. (II Cor. 12:2)

But knowing what Saul did with “True Belief” and the human proclivity to fall back to our old ways, with that same divine, merciful hand He sent Paul back to earth with a constant reminder of his arrogant humanity and his salvation from it. (2 Cor. 12:6-8)

It seems to me these days that, until we see the blasphemy in our creed, the assault on those who seek our God, and the violence we perpetrate against the lovers of God we are not capable of serving God.

Until we have been knocked off our high horse, seen and experienced what cannot be articulated in human language and live according to the experience, and “desire to know nothing but Jesus Christ and Him crucified” (I Cor. 2:2) we are but an annoying clanging cymbal in the symphony of the orchestra of “spiritualities” on the earth.

But wait. The reality is, no… Contrary to my former young man’s delusions, I am not an apostle or a prophet. I have not been taken into the Third Heaven. I am not articulate in spiritual things, not to be confused with being inarticulate in spiritual things that cannot be articulated. I am, after all these years, still damned sure of some things (though perhaps fewer), and (especially on social media) sure of who might be damned.

In the end, my hope is that judgment is a flick of the Divine Finger that knocks all of us who are blasphemers, persecutors, and violent off our high horse and will be shown mercy because, well… we were just ignorant, even in our proud, fake humble maliciousness and offenses in the name of the God who loves us all anyway. “