This is wonderful. I lost my dad to cancer 5 years ago. He died in his home (in-home hospice) and was cared for by his wife. It took him 9 months. His wife refused to double up on the morphine even though nurses were telling her he needed it. She refused. He told me that he wished that he could have the “suicide pill”. He was in a lot of pain. He said that that way everyone could plan to be there as he died. My stepmother was very upset that he’d say that, they were evangelical church of God, and she thought she could pray away the pain instead of giving him more pain meds because she was afraid he’d be a junkie (the man was 78 and could no longer even sit up. He had never been any kind of addict.) She also said in her heavy southern accent, “I don’t want him being no *zombie*!” At the end of his life, I began to pray that God would take him so he’d be out of his misery. He was questioning why God wouldn’t just take him already. And honestly at that time I could see his point. But I haven’t walked that path yet myself, I don’t know what I’ll think if I die from a long illness. My dad said he’d gotten the idea from me about the suicide pill and dying with dignity. I’d apparently told him that it was similar to when I was close to delivering my son and I was induced. I was already going to have the baby anyway, we just had to bring the baby a little earlier. So his theory was “I’m already going to die, I would just be picking out the day”. I have no recollection of having that conversation with my dad but he swore I told him that.
You did a very noble thing taking care of your parents. And thank you for sharing this story and for your beautiful writing.
Wow. And….wow. Your writings are wisdom, and it means so much that you are willing to go where others fear to tread. Thank you so much for your indescribable gift.
This is wonderful. I lost my dad to cancer 5 years ago. He died in his home (in-home hospice) and was cared for by his wife. It took him 9 months. His wife refused to double up on the morphine even though nurses were telling her he needed it. She refused. He told me that he wished that he could have the “suicide pill”. He was in a lot of pain. He said that that way everyone could plan to be there as he died. My stepmother was very upset that he’d say that, they were evangelical church of God, and she thought she could pray away the pain instead of giving him more pain meds because she was afraid he’d be a junkie (the man was 78 and could no longer even sit up. He had never been any kind of addict.) She also said in her heavy southern accent, “I don’t want him being no *zombie*!” At the end of his life, I began to pray that God would take him so he’d be out of his misery. He was questioning why God wouldn’t just take him already. And honestly at that time I could see his point. But I haven’t walked that path yet myself, I don’t know what I’ll think if I die from a long illness. My dad said he’d gotten the idea from me about the suicide pill and dying with dignity. I’d apparently told him that it was similar to when I was close to delivering my son and I was induced. I was already going to have the baby anyway, we just had to bring the baby a little earlier. So his theory was “I’m already going to die, I would just be picking out the day”. I have no recollection of having that conversation with my dad but he swore I told him that.
You did a very noble thing taking care of your parents. And thank you for sharing this story and for your beautiful writing.
Wow. And….wow. Your writings are wisdom, and it means so much that you are willing to go where others fear to tread. Thank you so much for your indescribable gift.